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Two roads diverged in a yellow wood... [11 Aug 2007|11:19pm]
so i was reading my last entry.
it actually made me laugh, like out loud. lol.

so i went to mexico. that was um the most amazing, surreal month of my entire life....yes it definetly was.

so many new experiences, idk everything, i just feel like a completely different person now. well i am lol. but it really helped, that month in mexico away from everything. it helped me re-think alot of things and make a lot of decisions.

yes there wasnt always hot water, yes the old ladies talked about me as i walked by, yes the old men did whistle at me all the time, and yes i was a month without even seeing a computer. but it was the most amazing month of my life, and i could not have been happier.

manuel is just my god, amazing, incredible, perfect in so many ways, in every way possible lol, really tho ;) haha. i sware that boy is just hmm anyways, he really really helped make my stay a billion times better. for the first time, i was the girl that got flowers given to her in front of the whole god damn town, i was the girl with the boyfriend who was always kissing her and hugging her no matter who was there, WE were the couple that everyone knew were meant for eachother and would most likely get married. and i loved it. hes my boyfriend, mi amante(hehe), and my best friend. and we def are getting married =]

and just as i said before, this trip to mexico would be my test to see if i'd be able to live there, and even tho i thought chances were 99% that i would not want to, well i do, and i am. i cant even begin to imagine spending the rest of my life here. well because my life isnt here, its in mexico.

saying goodbye had never been so hard, but it was the most incredible day of my vacation, well before the goodbye part. i'll def never forget that day.

so i was def crying all the 4 hours on the bus, and then the 2 hours in the airport. i felt so stupid, everyone was staring at me, but i couldnt help it. and as i was on those things that you stand on and move?? lol so you dont have to walk? anyways, as i was on there, i sware it was like a movie, i had my bags and i was looking at the gigantic ads on the wall, and thats when it really hit me. mexico is my home. something in me was just screaming, "dont leave, what are you doing, this is where you belong" and its true. but it really was like one of those movie scenes lol the only thing left was for me to turn around and run out of the airport and kiss the love of my life. but well that would've been exagerrating. lol.

but i am moving there. i;ve never been so sure of anything in my life, well something else but that already happened lol and i'll never regret my decision. but yea i'm moving to morelia, the university city. im going to study latin-american literature and secondary education. and become a teacher. and if things dont work out, it doesnt matter. because like i told my mother, im willing to take this risk, its my turn to decide what happens in my life. for the first time my happiness doesnt depend on the decisions of my idiot father. it doenst depend on anyone but me, and if i mess up, its going to be my fault. and im going to take that chance.

...take the road not taken.

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change.... [18 Jun 2007|06:41am]
[ mood | indescribable ]

I got a $17,000/year scholarship to Russel-Sage.
And a letter from Harvard.
And the SATs were incredibly easy even tho I didn't study once.

......so now I think I'm staying.

I spent last weekend in brooklyn with laisa & jennifer for the PR festival and parade and it reminded me how much I love the city. And it also made me realize that I am quite hermosa =]

So yea I'm def staying even tho manuel is in mexico.

I'm leaving thursday night, for mexico for a month. And now that I've started packing its really setting in. And I'm regretting this trip, I may be 18 in 8 months but idk how I'm gonna survive a month without my mother lol. Its really depressing me tho and god help whoever comes in my way at the airports b/c they will be shot down lol, I'm already in a bad mood lol.

But I kno I will have an amazing time with manuel, so he'll console me lol.

Well lets see what happens, you only live once right?

P.S. When you get asked for your number, ask for theirs too and take a pic, like that u actually remember who they are & if they look good or not. Helps afterwards when u have no idea whose calling you.

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"he's my Kostas....hes the man of my life, a real guy, a real love..." [15 May 2007|06:33pm]
theres something about being overseas, being in a place where no one knows what you're like or who you are. you can start over what you messed up, you can be the person you always wished to be and no one would know the difference. you can fall in love, fall into that amazing, sighing type of love with those amazing breathtaking kisses under the stars, and those shy coqueta glances, that literally create butterflies in your stomach and the most natural smiles in the world.

your history doesnt matter, what happened in your hometown is pointless, the only thing that matters is now, now and what you'll do. if you'll take that chance and look up while walking past him, if you'll call him over one night, if you'll close your eyes and hold on tight to him, feel his arms around you, his fingers through you're hair, and wonder when you'll actually say goodbye.

you can be the girl you always wanted to be, the one from the movies.

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"well to live....life i suppose!" [30 Apr 2007|08:35pm]
so. i went to mexico finally, over spring break. the most incredible experience of my life.

i met someone, actually the most gorgeous guy i'd ever seen on the face of the earth and we had a good time for like the last 3 days i was there, i thought we were just going to have a good time, and well it turned into a little more... and hes in love with me =]

he really is the most beautiful specimen of man god has ever created lol.
and hes going to university to be a plastic surgeon.
and hes incredibly nice and adorable and sincere and the best kisser on the face of the earth. and we have so many things in common i cant believe it lol. we are seriously made for eachother lol.

but anyway lol, i broke up with puerto rico. kind of. not formally. but thats his fault. its a long story, yea mexico helped alot in the decision, but it really is for the best, i feel like a weight and drama has just been removed from my life. which is good.

i'm not going to lie, i did love him or something of that sort, and its kinda scary to realize that all that just went away, and i was scared i wouldnt be able to feel that way again, but i do =] kinda.....
i guess something in me is still holding me back, but thats going to change.

but who knows, time goes by, people change. thats life.

so i'm moving to mexico. i really cant live in the us anymore. i know moving will be the best decision of my life, that and marrying manuel the guy i met in mexico lol.

but really, this has been the worst year for me, school and just life-wise. my average just dropped to an all time low, well if i would've gotten one, because i havent gotten an average in 2 quarters thanks to chemistry, but yea its a 76 =/

idk what i'm going to do in mexico really, i'll figure out something.of course my dream of writing is still there and will always be, but writing doesnt put food on the table, but whatever i decide to study, i just know will be good. i'd never been so sure of something in my life.

everythings changing, well i'm changing really. dreams of the ivy league and nyc lofts are gone, now i dream of writing a book, sitting on a bench with the man of my life at 3:30 in the garden at Morelia plaza. hmm, i hadnt really thought about mexico like that, like what i'd actually do, and its really just beautiful. driving around, passing ranches and old ladies walking down the side of the ride. it almost brings tears to my eyes to think of a life that beautiful and know that it's not in my imagination.

i've written a couple of vignettes about mexico for english. and sometimes i'd wondered if, since i hadnt been to mexico in so long, some of the things i'd remembered i'd maybe made up subconsciously. but no. i went there and it was all there, my vignettes were a reality. like the one where i woke up early before everyone else and went to make tortillas with my grandma. my sister did that over spring break, the 2nd day we were there. she is 9, the same age i was when i did that.

i dont know what it is about mexico that's so incredible. its my home, thats all. my home. even though people stare at me like nicole richie on rodeo drive, i still couldnt feel more at home, more at ease and just happy.

over there even when you're not doing anything at all, you're still doing something. days arent wasted away like here. i'm going to be 18 soon and i feel like i've wasted away 17 years of my life doing absolutely nothing.

my mom said yesterday, as we pulled out of our driveway, "you know, i'd never realized how much we dont fit here until now, it's like this isn't our home"

she's never been so right.

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[24 Mar 2007|07:04am]
No parties tonite.

I was mad tired so I went to bed at 3:30 and woke up around 11:30 so I couldn't even think about going to giorgios or to intrigue with kenny,but its alright, mad heads was gonna be at giorgios so it woulda been akward and now I have a reason to talk to him again and maybe set up a date for us to get together u kno, get to kno eachother better lol.

Yea I'm terrible but its been like almost a month since roxy and well the wall + puerto rican boy + me = a good ass time up against that wall lolol

Ahh I need to party lol

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[23 Mar 2007|05:18am]
Sidekick 3 finally, actually I'm posting this on it right now, its pretty flyy.

Leaving for mexico next friday, mad hyped, I still can't believe it.

junys not coming for spring break, no surprise there, but we aiight.
Except for distant uncles I haven't seen or heard of in 7 years talking mad shit about me to him, I love my boricua side >.<

So I've been talking wit some guys, not even gonna lie, only when juny pisses me off tho :\

Giorgio(yes the flyest hottest half white/half rican boy in the world) invited me to his tellie party tomarro, its crazy cuz I've been looking at him since sept and now we're talking, but idk if imma go cuz marcus is going too and he's trying to talk to me since sears sooo lol. Idk lets see.

Um yea guys lately have been extremely fond of me lmao, can't go nowhere without mad guys trying to talk to me lol.

Anyway I should finish those outlines now.

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"rosa gets it in!!!" [05 Mar 2007|10:18pm]
so alot of stuff has happened.
i sware my life is worse than a soap opera.
eventually i'll write a book.

but about the good stuff.
juny might be moving here, well he is, i just dont know how soon. but yea this is because he was in crazy unbelievable problems over there. so we almost broke up that night when he told me everything :/ but i couldnt.

but anyway good stuff for real this time.
friday night @ club roxy, teen bash tho?!!= crazy wild fun time.
def. the funnest party i've been to period.

it was crazy tho, out of movie. everyone lied to their parents somehow, except me. and so laisa came and picked me up, then we went to lamel's house to pick him up where laisa had to undergo an interview with his father lmao. so we went to pick up nia, and lamel had to hide because nia was supposedly going to a "sleepover" not the city lmao. so yea. then we went to pick up vicky at meadow hill where her mom snuck her out of the school and told her father she was sleeping over laisas house too lol. so we made our way to the city, crazy ass time in the car lol. oh but we stopped at a rest stop to change into our club clothes, actually to take off some clothes lmao. but yea then we went. and we got there and thank god there was a parking lot like literally next to the club. so we left our coats in the car to prevent a 2 hour coat check so yea we were kinda um standing in the street without any coats in halter tops and tank tops and wedges lol. but yea so it was like 8:45 when we got there, and supposedly the doors were opening at 8. but we were a few of the first ppl there and the line wasnt moving, so we thought that was kinda weird. so more ppl started coming, little kids tho, so now we were really getting worried like wtf lol. but the promoters OH MY GOOOODNEESSS, daaaaayyuumm. every single time one of them arrived, i sware we're worse then guys, we'd practically fall over the gates just looking at them lmao. you kno discreetly of course lmao. but so it was about 9:30, we were freezing and the doors hadnt opened, so the security comes out and is like "its canceled".....

everyone was just like WTF, and they knew shit was going down if they really canceled that, so 5 minutes later, they come back and are like "ok 15 minutes" so half an hour later we get in!! and we're in there and its crazy nice, but there was no ppl. since we were prob. like the 20th ppl to come in, so we go chill in the bathroom and come back and theres more ppl and we're like "ok", we sit down and theres no music so we're just chilling and decide to get a red bull, since we were pretty pissed by this time. so we drink our red bulls and music starts playing and now theres more ppl but no ones dancing, and the dancefloor is closed. so we're like wtf is this. but then
"caile" comes on, and thats me and laisa's song and so laisa gets up to dance and shes just dancing there and shes like "come on rosa!!" so i'm like "ok ok" and i sware i think i took 2 steps, and a crowd of guys come over lmao and one of them pulls me towards the wall and damn tho i almost fell lmao, so i'm dancing and laisas dancing with some guy too, and this guy was cute tho, like tall, long hair, looking fresh, def. puerto rican, but damn he was fucking like omg really going "at it" lmao, and i couldnt keep up really lol, and so i stopped dancing with him, and sat down and honestly was in pain, lmao like idk, i hope the reason i was in pain was that he was wearing a belt buckle LMAO, *cough* anyway but i really was hahah. so then we're just chilling and i'm still not feeling the club, no one was. just because the dj was asss, DJ Precise tho?? no where to be seen, and they wouldnt open up the dancefloor. so the boy i was dancing with, well his friend comes over, tries to spit game lol, i was like aah okaay. lol but he was cute, but idk i wasnt feelin it. so i was just like ok ok stop lol. he didnt have that smoothness that makes u blush and stuff lol anyway. so his extremely short friend comes over lmao and like puts his hand on my thigh and leans over and is like "you're very beautiful" right in front of his boys face!! i was like "aaahh crazy tho" so i bring laisa into this, since now theres 2 lol, and they start asking us to chill afterwards you know "ahh open crib at my place" and all that shit and we're like ahh naah lets see lol. so they get the point lmao. and leave.

we go upstairs to this other room, since ppl are like thats where the real party is, and it was dumb crowded and music wasnt good, so we go back downstairs and chill, dance wit some random boys idk, mad nikkas spitting game tho lol. alot of them were fresh too but nah we just werent feeling it. so we go back upstairs and now it was paappin for real! but it was hip hop and i'm not good with that so yea i was just chilling and ppl werent really dancing like perreo but this guy is like "dance w/ me" so i was like ok ok and i begin dancing, and then all eyes on me lmao! and i guess he was feeling it and starts raising his arm and i'm like oh shit, this is a first lmao. and i stopped dancing tho because idk he was kinda weird lol. so all these guys are literally looking at me like oooh lmao and i'm like ok ok then lmao. so "frikitona" comes on thats my song lol, so lamel starts dancing with me, meanwhile 5 guys are coming my way lmao, so i was dancing and it was all good.

and the song stops and so we stopped and idk wat song came on after but lamel was going to dance with me again but this other guy comes over and pulls me over lmao, so we're at the wall now, so i'm feeling this lol, he wasnt that cute but still, and i guess he was feeling it and started showing off too, lol so i felt mad guillada, i'm not used to that attention well i am lmao just not because of my dancing lol, so i guess he was showing off too much because homeboy next to us switched his girl with me lmao like that in 2 sec. and we were getting down for real ;) and he turns me around tho!? so i'm facing the wall now?!? and hes standing behind me, facing the wall too?!? and so i was like "oh shit this is def. a first" lmao and it was a good song i dont remember tho, but it was goood maad good, lol and he starts kissing my face and i'm like okaay okaay then, so i turned my head back u kno, i knew what he wanted and um i did too lmao and well we made out and like we even stopped dancing like because we were so into it, and DAAAAAAAAMMMMN did he know how to kiss like omG!!!!!!! i will never forget that kiss, def the best kiss of my life lmao, his lips and just ok lemme stop, too much info for LJ lmao but it was just out of this world crazy, i never wanted that to end. it lasted a good while too lol but idk if the other boy grabbed me, or if i went myself lmao, i was kinda in a daze after that lmao, but i was dancing with someone else, then someone else, and i was kinda being passed all along the wall, and it sounds pretty bad that way lol but it was actually mad like "uh oh rosa's the queen of this party" lmao for real, so i'm crazy guillada by then lol.

and the rest of the party was like that, mad nikkas spitting game, trying to get at me. this one guy, a tall gorgeous black guy was dancing with me and OMFG i still can;t believe i broke him 3 times!?!! 3!!! i'd never done that lol, and i felt mad good and proud lol, and everyone made a big deal lmao so rosa was getting all that attention def. lol. so yea we def. tore that party up, we were def. the gorgeous girls that got it in from upstate lol, seriously, i'd never had so many guys, gorgeous city boys try to get with me lmao. it was mad surprising, alot of them were black too!! i was like wat is this tho?!? lol cute too!

but yea then when it was over and we were walking out, all those boys were trying to get us to chill with them,lol for real. so we were def. wiling out on the way to the car lol, we were like def conceited as hell lmao wit that playa status!! so yea lamel def embarrassed me, ran up and jumped on me in the middle of the street tho?!!?! nikka pleaase lmao, so we got in the car and drove around the club twice, mad gassed with that hip hop blasting lmao, until we started seeing mad cops so we stopped lmao. lol but yea we headed to the bronx and got something to eat, and yea damn i loove the city, everybodys mad chill, its crazy.

so in the car we were all talking about our boys lmao, and nia goes "but rosa def. killed it wit that playa status!! yo that guy you kissed omg, puerto rican papi!!!, we was like 'oh dayum look at that boy, he looking fiiine' and then we looked at who he was dancing with and then started making out with and were like 'yo! is that rosa!?!!' and thats when we started yelling 'get'em rosa!!!'"

lmao i think i'm still gassed from that nite hahaha.
anywayz it will def. be relived def. lol.
red bulls work wonders too.
lmao.

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"ayer la vi bonita..." [08 Feb 2007|08:44pm]
por fin estoy en contacto con juny, le desconectaron el cellular entonces por eso no me a hablado, aun deberia de llamarme de otro celular, pero equis...me muero por escuchar su vos.

so i've been getting even more mail from colleges, like crazy from everywhere, brown, nyu,columbia, hartford, all i need is yale, princeton and harvard and i'll have letters from all the ivy leagues haha but yea its only because of my english score on the psat and my "excellent academic credentials" lmao like a 50 in chemistry um yea haha, but on the psat i realized that i'd scored higher then 97% of the students in the US in the english part nd i didnt even have to write an essay, so yea no wonder hahaha. im an english prodigy lmao.
the irony of that is incredible.

but yea my essayfor the hispanic youth leadership program got selected soooo i'm super happy, supposedly alot of kids applied this year, more then ever before, and i was one of the 3 from nfa :] except leslie didnt get in, which is dumb because i kno how bad she wanted it, she was the one who told me about it, she got invited first, meanwhile i didnt, and had to beg for an application from my guidance counselor hahaha, but yea i knew it, i mean since i spent so much long time on the essay, lmao like an hour before i handed it in on the last day it was due hahah.

but yea i'm happy.
kinda.
idk i've been working alot, today this old ma

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[06 Feb 2007|01:26am]
soo i havent updated in a minute.

well i got a new job, at kenan financial on broadway, mad good money and theres this dominican guy that OMFG is poppin!!!!!!! daaaamn wit the braids, and the dark skin, and the leather jacket, my oh my haha hes come in only twice, so i prob. wont see him again :( but anyway since i got my new job, i'll have my sk3 in 2 or 3 weeks, and there selling my adidas again!!! omg so i'm def buying them this time. just yesterday i was remembering them, thinking "daamn those were some fresh ass kicks, and now i'll never have them" and they're re-issued again!! haha i waas about to cry when i saw them.

yea i've kinda become a sneak head. lol.
and a gold jewelery-head, yeah i just made that up lmao.

anyhow, um i guess i'm doin aaigh in school, failed chem but got an 86 in pre-calc haha, and i've been getting crazy letters and emails from every college in the us including william and mary,columbia,nyu, princeton, and yes...brown. lol, so i thought everyone got mad stuff like that, but apparently not :] so i have some hope for college now.

hm i'm still with my nene even tho its had its crazy amazing ups and then downs, but its all good, we're hanging in there. at least we havent officially broken up yet, its going to be 7 months so yea :]

this is a good year so far, ppl have surprised me, my mom has, everythings kinda falling into place. which is something thats never happened. yea i lost some more friends, what else is new lmao, but i kno that leslie is always gonna be at my side, just like shes been since pre-k, and i've made new friends: nia(been known her but now we're mad close),laisa(my craazy dominicana/kenyan mama),franklin(my dominican fressaa pirruris), hahha its all good, i realized that i cant be friends wit white ppl, not like i have anything against them, its just i dont understand them, they dont understand me simple as that, except for katie p, coolest white gurl ever hahaha.

its all good :]
peash.

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"whas good whas good????" [20 Dec 2006|03:32pm]
HAHHAA I PASSED MY ROAD TEST!!
yes thats right, my 1st try and i passed it, ahaha maaad happy over here.
shoot i'm a driving legend in the works lmao.
let me stop now hahaha.

but i did, which is something i still cant believe really. it feels like i still i have to drive with somebody else hahha. but anyway its mad good,mad good.

my dad went with me, and i took my aunts car. so then i went to get my drug test done, which took like 1 hour and a half hahaha oo man. but yeah we're supposed to be in BX right now, for my name earrings, but idk if i'm still going since its getting late and all. idk.

still i'm maaad cheesing right now lmao.

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